Lust or Love

*Warning! – This post might not be a suitable read for hopeless romantics*

Ah, that big word ♥LOVE♥!

What would the world be without love. That’s not really a question, by the way (as you might have noticed since there’s no question mark at the end).

As you might have already noticed too, I might be slightly sarcastic all throughout me writing this (that’s if the addition of the heart symbols made you wonder –  in which case I congratulate you – you’re good!).

And no, no, no I’m not a hurt by men woman, claiming I have given up on every single man in the world, saying things from the likes of – ‘I do not want to see another man, again!’, ‘All men are the same’ etc.. Although I admit I have said the last quite a few times..usually to annoy the opposite sex or to support another woman’s rant.

I just grew up – and with the eyes I have and the brains I’ve been given(right or wrong) my grown up mind started to see there were some flaws in what people claim is the biggest thing of all – the so called love.

Of course, I believe in love…as much as my mind laughs every time I say or even write this. The love I believe in though is the love between a mother/father and their child, the love a person has for their favourite hobby or activity, the love you could feel for another being that you care about. But! This love for another being does not include sexual relations. Yes, this now is something else. This, oh so joyous , thing I call LUST! No, not the sex – the feelings that get you there. The butterflies in your stomach, the feeling of something being stuck in your throat(all the dirty minded people, please do not ruin this for me) when you feel that you cannot talk or even breathe, the sudden rise of your body temperature when you see this certain someone, and the not so cool – sweating! Yes, darlings – I call this LUST. Matter of fact you cannot convince me it is something else – or what people often say is – LOVE.

Now if we think about this you’d see this confusion between the two often leads to lots of broken hearts all over the world. I do believe in broken hearts, yes I do. My heart’s been broken when I’ve lost some of my pets, when I failed miserably in something, when you realise something is not what you thought it was (no, no, no boyfriends included here), when you didn’t get something you really wanted (again, no boyfriends). Your heart breaks when you are really really sad. It can be connected to someone from the opposite sex – but that would be because you wanted them, but that didn’t quite happen or they lied or cheated you. Not cool. But that is not love that has gone wrong. It’s just something that was sad and hurtful – there are plenty of these in life.

Lust – ahh I love lust! (I warned you about the sarcasm) I do! Why do people feel so shy to talk about lust? When this is what drives you all the way, makes you stare at this hot piece of ass(not literally – I’m not a fan of men’s asses) across the room, makes you smile at them so you get their attention, then gets this person to come to you, then gets you two closer together and so on…the rest is all +18.  Let’s be fair now – what makes you think this is love?

It’s clearly hormones going crazy in your body, activated by this person you have just noticed.  A complicated chemical reaction or whatever they want to call it, I don’t particularly care. But I definitely recognise it when it happens (lol). And when it does you can call it magic, you can call it weirdness and whatever you like – but if you call it love, I suspect you might be in trouble.

The thing with lust is – it doesn’t last long usually. No. But most good things don’t anyway.

Love – people think it’s for life. Together forever, through sickness and health…

I’d call this friendship. I mean that’s how real friends are like – right?! They’re there when you need them, through thick and thin, good and bad – hopefully for life. Now if you decide to also do the funny with this one friend of yours that gives you all this respect and support – then this is your choice, and there’s nothing to stop you from doing this (of course, make sure that person is not married or in a committed relationship – not cool if you ignored that). But you have to make sure that you both agree with this and please, please do not think it’s love. You can then marry and live happily for the rest of your lives. But that wouldn’t be because it was love – it would be mainly because of the friendship, respect and support you had for each other. In that I believe – well there are lots of proofs in the world for this. If you want to use the word love for it – fine!

But what I feel bad about is, when there is this girl raised to believe that one day this great guy will come out of nowhere, when you least expected it, will lift you up in the air(that he can do, but it’ll has to do with the word lust – sorry) and he will be so perfect, so gentle, so respectful, and he will want only you, and he will see only you! Well, come on now!

How many people live in this world? I will give you the more ignorant answer – loads! How many men and how many women? Yeh, loads! So you think you’re safe? That man will never look at this other woman and think she looks good, and will not start comparing you in his mind – her and you? Yes, yes he will. Hell, I do that too. You compare. Nature makes you do it. Oh, we don’t want to know this if we’re in a relationship, but yes we do. We have to make sure we’re getting the good stuff, the best even – if we could. It’s only natural.

I mean yes, your man can be ‘special’. He can think just like you do, he can share your taste in movies, music and adventure, but that doesn’t make him yours.  He’s an individual, living his own life in the way he wants to. And so are you. You don’t need to be ‘saved’ by him. C’mon now, if you need saving then you’re in trouble. Literally. Logically too. If you’re in trouble then you need to try help yourself first, no? I mean if you’re in a house that’s burning will you sit in a room and wait for someone to come and save you or will you try and do whatever you can to save yourself. There’s your answer. If you want saving – save yourself.  After all it gives you more of a chance of survival.

If you feel that you require a companionship from the opposite sex – then try and be friends with them, see if you share respect for each other and if you do, maybe you can be companions for life. Maybe even you can tell them you love them – I don’t mind(I really don’t, since I probably don’t know you), but do not allow yourself to think that this person belongs to you and he should do what pleases you at all times and you should be always the number 1 thing in their mind. Because things will then turn a bit nastier. And someone might/will get hurt.

We need to respect people’s individuality – the fact that they’re their own person and they have not been born in this world for you. This is what makes the idea of love so wrong. And this is why I do not agree with it.

Lust though, ah these feelings of lust, they are something else. They make you giggle, make you smile, make you act stupid – just so you get this one person’s attention and when you’ve grown into an adult – get them in bed. Yep, that’s what it’s all about. Nothing to do with love that. Making love! Yeh, right! Making babies more like it. But then babies, aka your children are love – so maybe that is what you call it after all.

So these are my thoughts on lust and love. And this is the understanding I have which I live with. I do not look around for my life-long partner anymore. I do not have these fake ideas that someone will come and save me! I do enjoy the occasional flirts – I mean they are there to enjoy. I can be in a long-lasting relationship and I am. I do not stray away….my flirting doesn’t go that deep, it’s only there to lift my confidence now and then and make me giggle. I do not plan on getting married(not sure my partner knows that) any time soon, if ever. And children – well, I don’t know about this, I don’t think it’s my time now. When I feel it is, and I don’t have a partner – I will hopefully be able to adopt. If I have a partner – and he is deemed to be good enough, responsible and someone who will help me raise and care for our child, then I can allow him to be my baby’s  daddy.  All this I’ve just talked about regarding my life and plans is exactly that – my plans on my own life, and it doesn’t involve love ‘happily ever after’ with a member of the opposite sex.  If lucky enough, it can involve deep friendship, mutually shared respect for each other and a bit of fire in the blood – for the physical attraction. But it’s not my life goal.

Since, you see, I am an individual and I’m not afraid to admit it – I live for myself, and put my interests first, my wants and likes, my ambitions. I don’t need to couple to exist and feel fulfilled. I believe I am in this world to do what I can, use myself as a tool to try and help, contribute with something to the earth that has given me life, contribute to other people’s lives when I can. I wasn’t born in this world to look for love and reproduce. I’ve got the love within me and I carry it with me wherever I go.